Comic Book Review: Amazing Spider-Man #563

The Revolution just cannot get into the post-Mephisto recton Amazing Spider-Man. When Dan Slott writes the title it is at least an average read. However, when the other writers switch in this title becomes practically unreadable. I found last issue of Amazing Spider-Man truly awful. I have a feeling that I will get “treated” to more of the same with Amazing Spider-Man #563. Let’s go ahead and hit this review.

Creative Team
Writer: Bob Gale
Pencils: Mike McKone
Inks: Marlo Alquiza

Art Rating: 5 Night Girls out of 10
Story Rating: 2 Night Girls out of 10
Overall Rating: 3.5 Night Girls out of 10

Synopsis: We begin with Spider-Man at “The Bar With No Name” which is the safe haven where all the villains come to hang out and get a drink. Spider-Man is looking for the Bookie since Spidey has heard that the Bookie has information about the Spider-Tracer Killer. A huge brawl breaks out between Spider-Man and the villains. The bartender then pulls out a shotgun and tells everyone to stop fighting. The bartender says that Spider-Man is now a wanted criminal and he gets safe haven here like everyone else.

Spider-Man then asks the bartender where the Bookie lives. Spider-Man threatens to destroy the bar costing the bartender thousands of dollars in damage. The bartender then gives Spider-Man an address. Spider-Man leaves and the bartender then places a phone call to someone that Spider-Man is on his way.

We shift to Aunt May’s homeless shelter. We see a man with a bad leg accidentally knocked over by one of the workers. Mr. Li and Aunt May tend to the man. Suddenly, the man gets up and realizes that his leg has been healed.

We cut to Spider-Man arriving at the Bookie’s parent’s house. The Bookie’s dad, Lester, tells Spider-Man that his son has been kidnapped by the Enforcers (Ox, Fancy Dan and Montana) and taken to Coney Island. Evidently, the thugs are pissed for the fixed fight from last issue that the Bookie tried to pull on everyone at “The Bar With No Name.”

Spider-Man agrees to help Lester save the Bookie so that he can get the information about the Spider-Tracer Killer. We cut to Spider-Man and Lester arriving at Coney Island. We see the Enforcers with the Bookie tied up and at their mercy. Spider-Man engages the Enforcers and we get a big old fashioned brawl.

Eventually, the Enforcers surrender and state that they were just going to scare the Bookie for cheating them, but they weren’t going to hurt him. Lester gets mad and says that the Enforcers cannot surrender because it will ruin the odds. Spider-Man frees the Bookie and everyone turns to Lester and asks him what “odds” he is talking about.

The Bookie then finds a piece of paper in his pocket with all these various odds on it for the fight between Spider-Man and the Enforcers. Lester admits that he got a tip from the bartender at the “Bar With No Name” and was looking to make a little money off this rescue mission to get his son.

Spider-Man is disgusted with Lester and webs him up on one of the roller coasters. The Bookie is also disgusted with his father. Spider-Man then asks the Bookie for information about the Spider-Tracer Killer. The Bookie answers that the various victims all died from natural causes. The Bookie says that Spider-Man is being set-up. The Bookie says that is all he knows.

Spider-Man then tells Lester that the money that he made off the fight between Spider-Man and the Enforcers has to be donated to the 54th Street homeless shelter or Spider-Man will come back looking for him. Lester agrees to do so. Spider-Man leaves and the Bookie tells his dad that he will free him from the webbing if his dad will forgive a debt that the Bookie owes him.

We cut to the next day with Aunt May at the homeless shelter. Peter calls her up and asks her if anyone came by today with a sizeable donation. Aunt May replies that a man just showed up with a $16,000 donation. May asks Peter how he knew this. Peter answers that he had a bet with someone. End of issue.

Comments
The Good: Amazing Spider-Man #563 was a pathetic read. This issue is going to test my ability to satisfy The Revolution’s Rule of Positivity. Let’s see, what can I say nice about this issue? Well, Gale does succeed in delivering a well paced story. This issue doesn’t drag and keeps the story moving quickly. Gale also makes sure to deliver plenty of action in this issue. If Amazing Spider-Man #563 was part of the Marvel Adventures line of comic books then I would compliment Gale for delivering a nice tight little read.

The Bad: The fact remains that Amazing Spider-Man is not actually a part of the Marvel Adventures line of comic books. At least, it is not officially a part of the Marvel Adventures titles. This has been my biggest criticism of this “new” Amazing Spider-Man. I don’t mind all-ages stories. That is exactly the role of the Marvel Adventure titles.

What I do not want is my Amazing Spider-Man to read like it is targeted to a 12 year old. I am not saying that Amazing Spider-Man should read like a MAX title. I would just like a little more balance. It is possible to deliver a more mature and intelligent read without making it inappropriate for the younger readers.

Amazing Spider-Man #563 read like a late 1960’s/early 1970’s comic book. Now, I appreciate the comic books from that era for what they are. And I have quite a collection from that era and they are fun and enjoyable for the wacky and campy writing that they deliver. However, it is 2008 and I really have no desire to spend my money on a title that reads like it is from that era.

I do not have all that much to say about the actual story in Amazing Spider-Man #563. That is because this is one incredibly shallow story that has practically no substance at all. This issue was a bit on the boring side. There are no interesting plotlines at all on this title. The assembled writers on this title have failed to get me interested in the Spider-Tracer plotline.

The dialogue in Amazing Spider-Man #563 was cheesy at best and mind-numbing at worst. Honestly, the dialogue might actually be worse than some comic books from the 1960’s. The humor on this issue was a total miss with me. I found it to be either terribly campy or simply too juvenile. Instead of chuckling while I read this issue, I found myself groaning out loud.

The story involving the Bookie was completely lame. I cannot believe that we burned two issues on this Bookie storyline. There was nothing about the Bookie’s character or story that even remotely interested me. The Bookie storyline has actually bordered on being dumb.

Gale makes no effort at all to pull off any character work at all. All the characters are flat and one dimensional. This only helps lend to the feeling that we are getting nothing more than a generic story with Amazing Spider-Man #563.

Normally, I enjoy Mike McKone’s artwork. However, the art from McKone and Marlo Alquiza was rather pedestrian. It could be that I am not a fan of Alquiza’s inks.

Overall: Amazing Spider-Man #563 was another unimpressive read. This was a thin and generic story. I would only recommend Amazing Spider-Man to people who love the retro late1960’s/early 1970’s style of storytelling and dialogue. If you enjoy the Marvel Adventures titles then you might want to give Amazing Spider-Man a try. This title is certainly designed for readers who are tired of the more adult comic books that offer plenty of darker stories, cursing and graphic violence. You will certainly find none of that in Amazing Spider-Man.

However, if you are not a fan of all-ages titles and prefer reads that deliver complex stories with plenty of depth and substance along with well crafted dialogue and a commitment to character work then I would strenuously urge you to avoid Amazing Spider-Man.