Comic Book Review: Countdown to Final Crisis #19

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that Countdown to Final Crisis just might be one of the worst titles I have ever read in my entire life. This title is abysmal. But, at least it is consistent since it manages to deliver a pathetic read each and every week. I’m sure that Countdown to Final Crisis #19 will be another unimpressive read. Let’s just hurry up and do this review.

Creative Team
Writers: Paul Dini, Tony Bedard & Keith Giffen
Pencils: Jesus Saiz
Inks: Rodney Ramos

Art Rating: 7 Night Girls out of 10
Story Rating: 3 Night Girls out of 10
Overall Rating: 5 Night Girls out of 10

Synopsis: We begin with Pied Piper dragging Trickster’s corpse through the desert. Piper is now imagining that Trickster is talking to him. We get the same gay jokes and banter that we got from Trickster when he was alive. Piper then stumbles across a small pond of water and starts drinking. Piper then spies hoof prints in the sand and decides to use his pipe to try and call the animal that left the hoof prints since Trickster is getting too heavy to carry.

We cut to the Challengers on Earth-51 where Liberty Belle is the President of the U.S. (And looking decidedly poochie, too. What a shame.) Earth-51 is a utopia where there is no crime, war, poverty or disease. (Well now, where is the fun in that?) Bob is worried that his fellow Monitors haven’t come after them yet. That it means he must have missed something.

We shift to Paradise Island. An Amazon reports to Athena that Holly and Harleen have gone missing. Athena transforms into her true identity: Granny Goodness. The Amazon warriors around Granny transform into her Furies. Granny Goodness says that she doesn’t tolerate failure and blah, blah, blah. (Insert standard despotic villain dialogue here.) The long and the short of it, the Furies are ordered to kill the Amazon guard.

We see Harley and Holly in the cave. There they stumble across a bunch of weapons and armor. Out of the shadows steps Queen Hippolyta. Hippolyta reveals that all of the Amazons are frauds and that Athena is also a fraud.

We hop back to Piper having called a burro over to them and now has Trickster’s corpse over the burro as Piper walks along side them. Trickster’s corpse tells Piper that he is wasting his time dragging Trickster’s body around with him.

We slide back to Paradise Island where we see a war hound enter the cave and attack the three ladies. Hippolyta ends up killing the war hound. Hippolyta tells Holly and Harley to go back to “Athena” and serve as Hippolyta’s spies in order to give her inside information about what “Athena” is up to.

We see Holly and Harley returning to Athena with a leg from the war hound as an offering. Athena is impressed that they slew the war hound by themselves. Holly and Harley explain that they weren’t deserting their training. They were just bored and wanted to look for a new challenge. Athena says that there is room for women like Holly and Harley in her elite forces. But, that the two of them should never let this happen again.

We cut back to Piper and Trickster setting up camp for the night. Trickster’s corpse taunts Piper about how he always thought he was so superior to the other Rogues. That he was the good one. But, the fact remains that Piper stood there while they killed Bart Allen and did nothing. Just like Piper did when Deadshot killed Trickster. That Piper is no better than the rest of the Rogues. That Piper just likes to watch.

Trickster then asks how much longer Piper is going to watch him rot before he does what needs to be done. Piper takes a knife and is about to cut off Trickster’s hand to free the corpse from the cuffs. Piper mutters that Trickster is the worst damn friend ever.

We cut to Apokolips where Jimmy Olsen is fighting Forager. Jimmy’s eyes light up and suddenly, Forager snaps out of her rage. Forager apologizes for trying to kill Jimmy. Forager comments that Jimmy has a mother box inside of him. That is why his eyes are glowing.

Suddenly, Desaad’s sister, Bernadeth, enters the room and lock horns with Jimmy. Jimmy uses his porcupine powers and shoots several quills into Bernadeth. Evidently, she gets off on pain and is now desirous of having Jimmy as a consort and to give her more pain. (Kinky little minx. I like it.)

Jimmy rebuffs Bernadeth’s offer. (Ah, no sense of adventure.) Bernadeth then attacks Jimmy again. Suddenly, Darkseid’s eye beams flash in and blast Bernadeth. She comments how Darkseid favors Jimmy. Jimmy then wishes that he and Forager were out of here. Suddenly, the two disappear in a flash and a large “Boom!” sound.

Bernadeth calls out for forgiveness from Darkseid. Bernadeth then looks up at a character off panel. The mysterious figure says that forgiveness is no longer an option. The mysterious figure announces that “The Fourth World is coming to an end. I am the harbinger.” The mysterious person then kills Bernadeth. (And the body count keeps growing.)

We see Jimmy and Forager appearing somewhere else. Jimmy is stunned that he summoned a Boom Tube. Forager comments that she saw “The Source” in Jimmy’s eyes. Jimmy thinks he may be turning into a New God. Forager disagrees and says that Jimmy is something else. Something unique. That is why Forager hunted Jimmy down. And evidently, Jimmy now makes Forager quite randy because the two start playing tonsil hockey. End of story.

We then get a two page back-up story about the origin of the Scarecrow. End of issue.

Comments
The Good: Countdown #19 was another weak read. No surprise there. However, I have to admit that I was actually somewhat intrigued by the Jimmy Olsen plotline. Dini finally gives us some plot progression on this storyline. Somehow Jimmy has access to a Mother Box as well as the ability to summon a Boom Tube. And on top of all that, it appears that Jimmy also has The Source inside of him.

After months of this plotline being completely and totally moribund, we finally get some more information about Jimmy’s abilities. Clearly, Jimmy is something that represents the evolution of the New Gods. Maybe Jimmy is what replaces the New Gods after the end of the Fourth World.

And who is the mysterious figure that kills Bernadeth? Even though the slaughtering of the New Gods hasn’t appealing to me in the slightest, I have to admit that I am curious about the identity of this mysterious character.

For the first time in several months I am actually somewhat interested in one of Countdown’s plotlines. Actually, I can’t tell if I think that this Jimmy Olsen plotline is all that great or if I’m just giddy over the fact that Dini is actually progressing a plotline. That is about as rare as a Loch Ness Monster sighting.

And what also stunned me is that Dini manages to progress the Holly Robinson plotline as well. Imagine that! Two plotlines that actually move with a point and purpose in a single issue. That is simply unheard of on Countdown. Even though I don’t like the Holly Robinson plotline, at least we have some plot movement now that Hippolyta is in the story and that the girls know that Athena is a fraud. Dini is actually giving the reader the impression that he is interested in progressing plotlines rather than wasting time with filler issue after filler issue. How refreshing.

Saiz and Ramos serve up plenty solid artwork. If nothing else, at least Countdown has managed to treat the reader with better artwork than what we got with 52.

The Bad: All right, enough of trying to fulfill The Revolution’s Rule of Positivity. Let’s be honest, Countdown #19 continues the trend of weak and dull reads on this title. The reader has to suffer through more of the usual pedestrian dialogue. None of the characters display unique personalities. They all talk in the same generic voice. The dialogue is simply average at times and at other times, like with Granny Goodness; the dialogue is downright groan inducing. Seriously, Granny delivers such standard issue villain dialogue.

And since none of the characters are well developed there is a complete lack of chemistry between any of the characters. Dini and company have failed to get the reader to care about any of the characters in this title.

Even though I found the Jimmy Olsen scene to be mildly interesting, the sudden romance between Jimmy and Forager seemed dippy and forced. I just didn’t buy into it at all. And part of that is because Dini and company have failed to flesh out the two characters. Also, Dini and company have completely failed to lay a foundation for this romance in previous issues that would have made this sudden make out session make sense.

The Challengers scene was a total waste of time. This scene was pure filler. Once again, this plotline receives practically no movement at all. This plotline has been trapped in stasis for months.

Despite getting some much needed plot development; I still could care less about the Holly Robinson plotline. I find all the characters involved to be completely dull and uninteresting. And, unlike in 52 where the writers managed to get me to fall in love with characters that I found boring beforehand, Dini and company have failed to do the same with Holly and Harley.

I still don’t understand the point of Trickster’s death (other than Didio’s mandate for mindless slaughtering just for the sake of blood) or the entire Piper plotline. I guess it is all a way to examine the Piper’s guilt in being associated with the Rogues and Bart Allen’s death.

This plotline doesn’t seem important enough to merit being in Countdown. Last time I checked, Countdown was supposed to be a grand story on a cosmic scale that serves as a lead in to the big event known as Final Crisis. Hence the name of the comic book “Countdown to Final Crisis.” The Piper/Trickster plotline is neither grand nor cosmic by any stretch. The Piper/Trickster plotline has lacked a point and purpose since the very beginning and it appears that it isn’t going to have one any time soon.

Overall: Countdown #19 was another dull read. I just can’t imagine what readers this title would appeal to. I guess if you are a fan of mindless death and destruction then you might enjoy this title. Even then, having to wade through so many pages of slow moving and pointless plotlines would probably turn off even those fans. Countdown continues to be a weekly train wreck. Steer clear of this title and don’t waste your money on the trade paperback whenever it is released.