Uncanny X-Men #498 Review

Ever since the end of Messiah Complex, Uncanny X-Men has been a solid, but certainly not spectacular, read. I am beginning to get the nagging feeling that Brubaker does not know where to go with this title in the wake of Messiah Complex. Uncanny X-Men appears to be losing some of its focus. And that is unusual for a Brubaker penned title. Hopefully, Brubaker can bring Uncanny X-Men up to his high standard of writing that we get on his other titles. Let’s do this review for Uncanny X-Men #498.

Creative Team
Writer: Ed Brubaker
Art: Michael Choi

Art Rating: 9 Night Girls out of 10
Story Rating: 6 Night Girls out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 Night Girls out of 10

Synopsis: We begin with a flashback scene in San Francisco when the “goddess” arrived on the scene. We see three aging hippies talking about the “good old days” when the come across a disoriented woman in a super hero or SHIELD agent styled outfit. The woman mumbles that she can’t feel them. That she can’t hear them. The woman then asks where they all went.

The three aging hippies say that they need to take the woman to a hospital. The woman starts yelling “No hospitals!” The hippies then tell her to calm down. Suddenly, the woman then looks into the hippies and sees their potential and what she can do for them.

The woman then transforms into the “goddess” in all her flower child glory and transforms the old hippies back into their young hippie selves. The hippies talk about how the goddess is the key to other planes of reality. We see the goddess go about turning parts of San Francisco into the 1960’s era. The hippies think how they will live forever and nothing will change or ever disappoint them again.

We cut to the present with the goddess telling Eli that she just remembered that her name is Martinique. Martinique says that she was just thinking about the X-Men and she thinks she knows something about them too. Martinique states that she knows the X-Men didn’t come looking for her. Martinique then says that it is time for her to meet some of their new arrivals.

We then slide over to the Red Room in Russia where Nightcrawler, Colossus and Wolverine are being held captive. The old man who runs the Red Room is interrogating Colossus about information concerning M-Day. We see Wolverine being blasted by electrical shocks through the shackles binding him. The old man says that it appears that he will not run out of electricity and that Wolverine is not going to die anytime soon, either.

The old man states that Russia had many mutants in the Red Room and then suddenly they all lost their powers. They were all useless to Russia at that point. Therefore, the old man ordered the ex-mutants to kill themselves. Since the ex-mutants were all good patriots who realized they no longer had a purpose for their country they went ahead and killed themselves. The old man thinks it is strange that the X-Men still have their powers and that the X-Men might have had something to do with M-Day.

The old man says that he will continue torturing Wolverine if Colossus does not answer his questions. Colossus refuses to answer and tells the old man to go ahead and torture Wolverine. Wolvie responds “Not cool.” Wolverine’s healing factor lets him tolerate the torturing.

The old man decides to change tactics to get Colossus to talk by stating that he will begin torturing Nightcrawler. The old man says that if Nightcrawler attempts to teleport out of his shackles then he will be blasted by an electrical shock. The old man orders Nightcrawler to be shocked until Colossus answers his questions.

Nightcrawler then takes one for the team by teleporting over on top of Wolverine so the electrical shock hitting Nightcrawler overloads Wolverine’s shackles causing them to rupture. Wolverine hits the ground and is now free. Wolverine unsheathes his claws and it is payback time as he rips through the Russian soldiers in the Red Room.

The old man runs away in a panic and heads down the hall to another room. We see that Omega Red is all shackled up and begin held captive in the room. Omega Red looks at the old man and asks if it is time that they let Omega Red’s leash off.

We see Wolverine slicing his way through the soldiers as he runs down the hall in the direction that the old man fled. Colossus carries Nightcrawler and follows Wolverine. Suddenly, we see the old man’s dead body come flying around the corner of the hall. Omega Red then walks around the corner and squares off with our heroes. Wolverine and Colossus are less than psyched.

We slide back to San Francisco where Emma states that before she had to concentrate to try and find this “goddess.” But, now it is easy as if Emma is following a garden path instead. That the “goddess” is leading them to her. Scott says that this cannot be a good sign. Emma agrees.

Suddenly, we see Warpath, Iceman, Hepzibah and Angel arrive on the scene. Each one now has a “hippie name.” Warpath is Running Sun. Iceman is Frosty. Hepzibah is Lady Kitten and Angel is…Angel.

Angel says that Emma and Scott have come to spoil their party so their goddess sent them out there to stop them any way that they have to. End of issue.

Comments
The Good: Uncanny X-Men #498 was a slightly better than average read. The plotline involving the three musketeers in Russia carries the burden in this issue. The action scenes in the Red Room prevent Uncanny X-Men #498 from being a slow and boring read. Brubaker certainly unloads plenty of furious action in this issue. The reader gets treated to some well choreographed fight scenes. I dig the nice teamwork that is displayed by Colossus, Nightcrawler and Wolverine.

Brubaker fashions some solid dialogue. It isn’t anything spectacular, but it is serviceable and gets the job done. What particularly continues to impress me is Brubaker’s excellent handling of the personalities for Colossus, Nightcrawler and Wolverine. Brubaker displays a nice touch with these three characters and creates some wonderful chemistry between these three old friends. I am really enjoying these three characters on their own and away from the team dynamic of the X-Men.

Brubaker finally gives the reader a bit more information about the San Francisco hippie plotline, but not much. We learn that the goddess’ real name is Martinique. I have no idea if I am supposed to recognize her or not, but I don’t. *EDIT* I have been clued in by the astute followers of The Revolution that this is Martinique Jason also known as Mastermind. She is the daughter of the Jason Wyngarde. I have never heard of her before. The only Mastermind that I knew about was Jason Wyngarde.

Brubaker ends Uncanny X-Men #498 with a solid hook ending. We get the appearance of Omega Red which signals to the reader that we should be in store for one nasty brawl with the next issue. Brubaker also treats the reader to a very funny ending to the San Francisco plotline as we get the appearance of the X-Men under Martinique’s spell. I absolutely adored the campy “Hippie names” that Brubaker gives the four bewitched X-Men.

Michael Choi whips up gobs of gorgeous artwork. Choi has crazy skills. Choi makes Uncanny X-Men #498 a beautiful comic book to look at. The action scenes were amazing. At one point, I simply stopped reading the story and just stared at all the pretty pictures.

The Bad: Uncanny X-Men #498 is simply nothing special at all. Neither of the two plotlines are particularly interesting. While the Red Room plotline is at least delivering furious action and moving at a good pace, the fact is that it isn’t particularly creative or intriguing. This plotline feels a bit generic. I get the impression that this plotline is nothing more than a standard issue action themed plotline. It also doesn’t help any that I have never been a big fan of Omega Red.

The San Francisco plotline is moving at a terminally slow pace. This plotline is plain and simply boring. It has taken Brubaker four issues to get Scott and Emma to San Francisco, have them wander around aimlessly and finally cross paths with some of the bewitched X-Men by the last page of this issue. There has been next to zero plot progression for this plotline over the past four issues.

The San Francisco plotline is limping along without much point and purpose. Brubaker has completely failed to hook me. I find nothing fascinating at all about Martinique. I wish I could say that I was interested in learning more about Martinique’s character, but the fact is that I really am not. Brubaker has failed to create any tension or excitement in the reader concerning Martinique’s character or this plotline in general.

What makes the current state of Uncanny X-Men so disappointing are the inevitable comparisons between this title and Brubaker’s work on his other titles. While Uncanny X-Men surely is not a bad read, the fact is it is clearly inferior to Brubaker’s excellent work over on Captain America, Daredevil and Criminal.

It appears to me that Brubaker is doing Cap, Daredevil and Criminal for the love of it and is pouring his heart and soul into those three titles. On the other hand, it seems that Brubaker is doing Uncanny X-Men for the paycheck and that he simply isn’t putting forth the same effort that he does on his other titles.

I always thought that Brubaker was a strange choice for a title like Uncanny X-Men. I just do not think that Brubaker’s talents are a good match for Uncanny X-Men. Personally, I would much rather see Brubaker drop Uncanny X-Men so he could stay on Iron Fist which has been a better read than Uncanny X-Men.

Overall: Uncanny X-Men #498 was slightly better than average. If you are a fan of action based stories then the Red Room plotline will appeal to you while the San Francisco plotline will probably bore you. And vice versa if you prefer slower paced dialogue heavy stories. Uncanny X-Men #498 is just average enough that I can’t tell you to not bother buying it, but I certainly can’t encourage you to run out and purchase it either.