Uncanny X-Men #504 Review

The Revolution continues to be summarily unimpressed with Uncanny X-Men ever since Matt Fraction came aboard this title. The handoff between Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction is complete as Fraction will now be riding solo on this title. I have little hope that we will get any quality dialogue or character work on Uncanny X-Men #504. Maybe Fraction will surprise me and turn in an original and entertaining read. Let’s go ahead and do this review.

Creative Team
Writer: Matt Fraction
Pencils: Terry Dodson
Inks: Rachel Dodson

Art Rating: 8 Night Girls out of 10
Story Rating: 3 Night Girls out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 Night Girls out of 10

Synopsis: We begin with Maddie Pryor in the Mojoverse enlisting another member to her “sisterhood.” The newest member is Spiral. Spiral readily agrees to join Pryor’s team in return for Pryor promising to bring back to life the one person close to Spiral who was taken from her most unfairly.

We then cut to a tattoo shop located in Haight Ashbury, San Francisco. We get a long winded, boring and unnecessary narration from the tattoo artist about the different types of people that she has tattooed, the different parts of the body she has tattooed, the types of tattoos, whether they were good tattoos on bad people or tattoos that people would immediately regret.

We see the tattoo artist then ordering Colossus to leave. That each time she tries to tattoo him; he unconsciously turns metal and breaks her equipment. The tattoo artist has already gone through two tattoo guns. Colossus sheepishly leaves the tattoo parlor.

We cut to the Greymalkin facility where Nightcrawler is by himself praying in the chapel that he built. Colossus enters the chapel and sits next to Nightcrawler. Colossus asks if anyone else other than Kurt has been in the chapel. Kurt replies only Emma who is a “filthy girl.” Kurt mentions that he cannot remember the last time he saw Peter in his normal flesh mode. Peter comments that it is easier to not feel so much in his metal form.

Suddenly, Scott and Emma enter the room and Scott barks at Peter that they need to talk to him. Scott bluntly states that Peter is no use to the X-Men in his current state. Scott tells Peter to go do whatever he has to do in order to start getting past this. To go wherever he has to, to him whomever he has to in order to get past it. Emma adds that they need Colossus back and that she can’t always be the muscle for the team.

We cut to Scott and Emma walking out of the chapel with Scott commenting how hard that was but that it had to be said. Emma yells for Scott to wait up and to stop walking away from her. Scott snaps “What, Emma? What?” (Wow, this scene is a clunky mess.) Emma asks Scott what is wrong with him and asks what happened to him when they were at the Hellfire Cult’s facility. Scott curtly answers that nothing happened.

Emma continues that something happened. Emma says that she is missing time in her memories and that Scott has been acting colder to Emma than her “father on Christmas morning.” Scott then tells Emma to go ahead and enter his mind and have a look for herself. Emma says that she will take just a peak in order to ease her mind.

We cut to Emma inside of Scott’s mind. Emma is sporting a 1940’s hairstyle and dress for some reason. All that is inside of Scott’s mind are images of all the women that he has ever “cast a furtive glance upon.” Emma says that Scott had felt like some of the old repression was creeping back in and these memories of all the different women are the psychic walls that Scott had built up lately.

We see every single version of every female member of the X-Men, all the villainesses that the X-Men have fought as well as other Marvel super-heroines. Scott’s mind is a giant hotel with all the women inside of it and in different rooms. Emma gets in the elevator and says that she is “Going down.” (Classy and original.)

Scott asks what Emma is looking for. The barista with the lip-ring (of course) or his third grade teacher. Emma replies that she is letting Scott’s psychogeography guide her through this hotel. Emma says that she can feel Scott hiding something from her even if he cannot articulate it.

Emma passes by Selina, the Black Queen, and then comments that she has seen brunettes, raven black haired ladies, blondes, white haired ladies and even ones with purple hair. However, she has not seen a single redhead. Emma wonders why. Scott answers that he has no idea what Emma is talking about.

We slide over to Colossus getting something to eat at a little mom and pop Russian restaurant. Suddenly, Colossus hears men breaking into the kitchen and attacking the chef-owner of the restaurant. Colossus armors up and enters the kitchen. Colossus is terrified by what he sees. We see a tattooed metahuman flanked by a couple of thugs. The tattooed guy has the power to see what is inside of a person. The tattooed guy can see a person’s entire life and all their secrets.

Colossus immediately recognizes the tattooed man from his childhood in Russia. The tattooed man once visited Peter’s family farm and questioned Peter’s father about Peter and his abilities. Colossus turns tail and runs like a yellow bellied coward. Colossus leaves the restaurant and proceeds to throw up. Colossus thinks how he does not know how it is possible that he has found the tattooed man. Colossus whispers that the tattooed man is the devil himself.

We shift to Buenos Aires, Argentina where Angel and Beast are meeting with Dr. Nemesis. Beast tries to urge Dr. Nemesis to help the X-Men stop the slow genocide of mutantkind due to the Scarlet Witch’s spell. The Beast says that the recent birth of a mutant shows that Wanda’s spell can be beaten. Beast says that the X-Men are wondering if they can undo muntantkind’s genocide. Dr. Nemesis spits that he has six million friends who wonder the same thing. Dr. Nemesis replies that genocide cannot be undone.

Dr. Nemesis states that he is a brilliant man of science who helped to create the original Human Torch. That Dr. Nemesis has dedicated his life to tracking down and killing Nazi super-scientists. (It is 2008. Wouldn’t they all be dead by now? How old are these guys? Let’s assume these scientists were very young at the end of World War II at just thirty years of age. That would still make them 90 years old.) Evidently, many of them fled to South America. Dr. Nemesis rebuffs Beast’s offer and says that he is doing more good now than he ever could do with the X-Men.

Suddenly, “super Nazis” manufactured by the Futurfuhrer’s Genetikorps attack Dr. Nemesis. (And there it is! We officially have a Nazi Rule violation. Wow, it has been a long time since we have had a violation of the Nazi Rule.) Dr. Nemesis quickly uses some super gun that he has created to take out and kill the two super Nazis.

Beast then pleads once again with Dr. Nemesis to help the X-Men. Beast says that they are appealing to Dr. Nemesis’ intellect and his sense of duty. Beast says that this is a slow motion genocide that they still have time to stop.

Dr. Nemesis engages in a bit of tough talk about spaying the Beast if he every touches Dr. Nemesis’ coat sleeve again. Dr. Nemesis then agrees to help the X-Men and comments that the X-Men now have their genius. Beast replies that Nemesis is just the first genius and that there are more.

We slide back to Emma still wandering around the massive hotel in Scott’s mind. Emma arrives at a room with a black door and a red “X” on it. Emma enters the room. The room is empty save for a small black box in the middle of the room. Emma tells Scott that this black box is what drew her in. Emma comments that the black box is deflecting her thoughts. That Emma cannot lift it, cannot open it and can barely stand to touch it.

Scott replies that he does not know what the black box is other than it is his black box. That it is a little piece of “psychic Kung-Fu” that he picked up along the way. That it is a place for secrets. Emma snaps that if their relationship has a rule that it is no secrets and no shame.

Scott states that as team leader and strategist for what is left of their species that there are certain things that he cannot risk escaping from his head. That to protect everyone, Scott must keep something’s he knows locked away.

Scott asks what if he was captured and tortured for data about mutant locations. About where former mutants have relocated and access to the Greymalkin center. What if someone wanted the exact latitude and longitude coordinates required to destroy a classroom full of children while you taught them. The black box protects that stuff form everyone.

Emma replies that the black box is impressive and asks Scott how he learned to make it. (Dumb question.) Scott replies that Jean taught him. (Obvious answer.) Suddenly, Emma is ripped out of Scott’s mind as we see Karma running down the hall shouting for Scott and Emma.

Karma tells them that something has happened and to come look at the television. We see Karma, Cannonball, Nightcrawler, Scott and Emma in front of the television. A news report is showing footage the entire town of Cooperstown, Alaska on fire and razed to the ground by unknown terrorists after the birth of a mutant infant.

The news report states that the footage obtained and released to the press by Simon Trask of the political action committee “Humanity Now” also included this statement “If this is what happens when a mutant baby is born…What happens when one is born in your hometown?” End of issue.

Comments
The Good: Uncanny X-Men #504 was an average read. I will say that this was probably the best issue that we have gotten since Fraction has come aboard Uncanny X-Men. Of course, that really is not saying very much.

Despite the lame super-Nazi storyline and the accompanying Nazi Rule violation, I still like the addition of Dr. Nemesis. He is a rather neat character and his haughty and abrasive personality should give Fraction a character to have a little fun with. It will be interesting to see how Dr. Nemesis meshes with the other X-Men.

I found the plotline involving the tattooed man and Colossus to be mildly interesting. I do like Colossus so any plotline designed to give Peter a bit of the spotlight is always a good thing. Hopefully, Fraction can make this plotline into something that is actually interesting and entertaining.

The best aspect of Uncanny X-Men #504 is that Marvel is finally getting around to addressing the various dangling plotlines from the Messiah Complex. I was beginning to think that Marvel was never going to get around to addressing the fallout from the Messiah Complex here in the pages of Uncanny X-Men.

I liked that the Beast has had his sense of hope renewed by the birth of the first mutant child since the end of the House of M event. This plotline builds off of Brubaker’s Endangered Species storyline where the Beast embarked on a journey where he visited some of the most brilliant minds in the 616 universe for a way to return ex-mutants their mutant genes.

Beast is an incredibly optimistic character and I am glad that he is once again trying to assemble a team of brilliant scientist in hopes of saving mutantkind. And that this time it appears that Beast is having much more success in enlisting the help he needs. This is an interesting plotline that has some potential.

Fraction delivers a solid hook ending that picks up where Messiah Complex left off. We see that the Purifiers have set about trying to paint their slaughtering of the town in Alaska as the work of a terrorist group. And that the birth of a mutant was the direct source for the town being wiped out. This sets the stage for what should be a rather compelling story. I enjoyed Messiah Complex and am looking forward to seeing Fraction deal with the various plotlines that spun out of it.

Terry and Rachel Dodson did a quality job with the artwork in Uncanny X-Men #504. It was a breath of fresh air to have someone other than Land doing the art on this title. This was not the best work that I have seen from Terry Dodson, but it was still a good effort and I am thrilled that Dodson is now the regular artist for Uncanny X-Men.

The Bad: Fraction earned himself an automatic two point deduction for violating The Revolution’s Nazi Rule. Since Uncanny X-Men #504 was a resolutely average issue I was going to give this issue 5 Night Girls out of 10. However, after the mandatory 2 Night Girl deduction for the Nazi Rule violation, this issue sank down to a score of only 3 Night Girls for the writing.

Uncanny X-Men #504 suffers from the same defects and weaknesses that this title has suffered from since Fraction came aboard on Uncanny X-Men #500. Uncanny X-Men #504 was yet another set-up issue. It seems that all we have gotten on this title since issue #500 has been nothing but set-up. Fraction continues this trend by laying the foundation for the Madelyn Pryor plotline, the Colossus plotline and the Purifiers plotline.

Another defect in Fraction’s writing is that he often inserts one or two scenes per issue that are nothing more than time wasters. I found the scene with Colossus in the tattoo parlor to be a fine example of this. This scene was largely purposeless other than letting Fraction have a “hip” scene set in Haight Ashbury. This scene failed to advance any plotlines and it also failed to flesh out Colossus’s character or his depression over Kitty’s death.

Uncanny X-Men #504 is also a slow paced read. The scene with Dr. Nemesis is a good example of now Fraction unnecessarily draws scenes out and the result is a slower paced issue that feels like Fraction is purposely trying to burn time in order to stretch out the story. Fraction still struggles with the less is more rule to writing as he loads on simply way to much exposition by Dr. Nemesis in this scene.

Fraction has pulled off very little plot progression over the past five issues. This issue is another slow and uneventful issue. The reader is left in an uncomfortable position of constantly waiting for some type of pay-off for the eternal plot set-up that we have been getting on this title.

The story in Uncanny X-Men #504 has a rather poor flow. Many of the scene transitions were terrible and were incredibly clunky which broke the flow of the story. A couple of the scenes, like the one with Nightcrawler, Colossus, Scott and Emma in the chapel and Emma and Scott in the hallway, were choppy and read more like a rough draft than a final polished script. All of these factors combine to give the impression that Fraction turned in a sloppy effort on this issue.

Fraction continues to display a lack of internal logic in his writing. Fraction makes a point of Scott stating how he has his mental black box for secrets like the latitude and longitude of the Greymalkin facility which would open Emma’s classrooms to attack. Of course, Fraction ignores his own statements in previous issues that the Greymalkin facility is to serve as a public beacon of hope for mutants. Fraction has called this center a giant “community center” where mutants can find refuge. The actual location is not a secret. What is a secret is the fact that it has so many underground levels that are not known to the public.

So, the fact that the Greymalkin center is out in the open and visible to a satellite makes it vulnerable to bombs and missiles. Therefore, keeping the latitude and longitude of the center a secret is relatively pointless. Fraction’s inability to keep track of his own statements simply makes his writing look that much sloppier.

Fraction’s dialogue continues to be incredibly unimpressive. The dialogue is flat and generic and too heavy handed at other parts. Dr. Nemesis’ dialogue in particular was way too over the top. The character work also continues to be a serious weakness on this title. None of the various X-Men have a developed or unique personality. Fraction also displays a poor feel for the established personalities of the various X-Men. I found it odd that Nightcrawler would ever refer to Emma as a “filthy girl.” That just did not sound like Kurt at all.

I found it strange that Fraction would have Colossus regress back into a depressed and mopey state over Kitty’s death. I thought that the purpose of Brubaker having Nightcrawler, Wolverine and Colossus travelling to Europe together was to help Peter move past Kitty’s death. And I also got the impression that Brubaker had Colossus grieve and finally come to terms with Kitty’s death and ready to move on and rejoin his fellow X-Men.

Fraction’s move to have Colossus regress back into his depressed and mopey state lacked internal logic and was largely unnecessary. Again, Fraction continues to display a lack of knowledge of stories that occur on a title prior to his arrival. It takes some work and effort, but professional writers always make sure they perform some research before taking over a specific title. And usually that includes reading up on at least the most recent story arcs on the title that they are taking over.

I also found Fraction’s version of Colossus to be incredibly wimpy. Fraction has Colossus turn tail and run and then throw up outside of the restaurant at the site of the tattooed thug. I am sure that seeing the tattooed man was jarring and clearly a childhood nightmare, but I found Colossus’ reaction to be out of character and unbelievable.

Colossus is a longtime X-Man who has faced numerous incredibly deadly and vicious villains with nothing but bravery in his heart. Colossus even sacrificed his own life in order to cure the Legacy virus. I just have a hard time reconciling how Colossus has been written up to this point and how much of a newbie coward that Fraction writes him in this issue.

Fraction’s version of Cyclops continues to be disappointing. This is one of the dumbest versions of Scott that I have ever read. Scott’s dialogue is just too snappy and hyper for a character that has always been regarded for his calm, cool and collected persona.

I found Scott’s mind being a massive hotel full of every single woman that he ever thought was attractive during his entire life to be an incredibly odd move by Fraction. And it was odd in a bad way. I have never gotten the impression that Scott was a repressed and sex starved individual.

Scott has largely been presented as level-headed and happy being in a committed relationship. And Scott has spent most of his time in a monogamous relationship with incredibly attractive women like Jean, Madelyn and Emma. Therefore, I found it incredibly hard to believe that Scott’s mind would be a hotel full of every hottie that Scott has ever seen as if Scott some sex-crazed maniac whose mind is obsessed with his prurient desires.

This was just another example of how Fraction feels compelled to inject sexual themes where there really is no point and purpose for them. In the end, this issue only served to make Scott look like a creepy letch. I found Emma’s little walk through Scott’s mind was largely boring and uneventful. The fact that there were no redheads stalking Scott’s mind did not pique my interest that much.

Fraction performs a little plot progression on Madelyn Pryor’s plotline by giving us a quick scene where Maddie enlists Sliver into her “sisterhood.” I am vaguely curious to see if Pryor can truly raise the dead or if she is simply preying up the weaknesses of these women. However, for the most part, Fraction has failed to hook my interest in Pryor’s plotline at all. Of course, I should disclose the fact that I have never found Pryor to be an interesting character and I definitely feel that Pryor should have remained dead.

Overall: Uncanny X-Men #504 is probably the best issue that we have gotten since issue #500. However, this still is a pedestrian read. Fraction’s writing continues to have serious defects at the most basic levels that should not be present in a story from a profession comic book writer working for a company like Marvel.

Having said that, I do feel that Fraction has several plotlines in place that have the potential to be rather interesting. I think that die-hard X-Men fans will enjoy this issue as will any reader who is a fan of Fraction’s style of writing. Outside of those two groups, I would be hesitant to recommend that you spend you hard earned cash on Uncanny X-Men at this point.